Disheveled Trust

The church is HUGE!! 

You wanna know something? I don't really want to write this blog post....and originally this ended with "so, i'm not going to, goodnight!" but, considering the unsaid rule that blog posts have to be longer than two sentences, I thought I should come back and add a bit on. Honestly though, I'm not so keen on writing currently because I feel like I have to have a point, an organized thought in order to write - which seems to be quite impossible at the moment. Isn't it funny how when you're mind is going "100 miles an hour," you're always more confused?! You would think, with it working that much faster than normal, you'd have every issue worked out with time to spare!

Charles and I - my last Sunday in Zirobwe for a while.

Anyways, let's get to the heart of it: disheveled trust. Several years ago, I was in Chihuahua, Mexico with my church on a mission trip. I had woken up early to do my personal devotions, and God was very clearly laying  down this question, "Do you trust me?" (Yep, like in Aladdin!) Sitting there in the peace of His presence, it seemed easy to say, "Yes! I have complete trust in You!" Unfortunately, what was waiting for me wasn't a magic carpet ride; it was a call from back home with bad news: Soldier had been hit by a tornado. Because we were in Mexico, information was slow in coming. I had a lot of family back home, and those seconds and minutes waiting for news were some of the slowest and scariest of my life, but the whole time in the back of my mind was trust. And that was the real start of God teaching what it means to trust.

Peter! 

Those lessons continue to come up in my life, and they're hard, but in the end, it's SO worth it. Currently, I feel as though I'm going through a season where I'm called to trust, and it's not fun. I feel like my mind is constantly going 100 miles an hour, but there isn't a "solution" out there for me to find, I just have to trust. Can I share something with you that sometimes I think was a completely dumb thing to do? I prayed before I came here that God would bring me to the end of myself so there would be nothing left of me - to the point where I had to absolutely, completely trust Him - where He becomes greater and I become less. I think He's brought me to that point - again. During this journey, He's brought me there over and over again, in different ways. It's always hard, but it's always good in the end. So, I'm choosing to trust Him, but don't get me wrong, my trust is not perfect. Trust is messy, hard; it's a struggle and a fight. But as Jeremiah 17:7-8 says,

 "Blessed are those who trust in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

With the Sunday School kiddos! 

So now, despite the messiness and struggle of trusting Him, I hold onto the knowledge that He is the Potter and I am the clay. He is continually perfecting me and refining me, and "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens..." (Ecclesiastes 3:1).