Why I'm Not in Uganda Right Now

About two weeks ago marked an entire year since my initial return from Uganda. Crazy, right?! God has done incredible things through that year, but I never thought that this is where I would be. I never even considered not being back in the Pearl of Africa this summer. But here I am: Soldier, Kansas. The question that I have to answer for myself over and over again is this: "Why am I here?"

Let me be open and honest: If I were in charge (thank goodness I'm not), I would've been in Uganda loving on my kids at this very moment. My heart aches with missing them. But God's ways are not the ways of man. He is Sovereign over all, and as hard as it is for me to accept, He tightly closed the door for my return to Uganda until further notice. I've jokingly told a few people that if I were to board a plane to Uganda right now, I think God would send a giant fish to swallow me up for a few days and bring me back to the States.... but I was kind of serious. I wasn't sure why He wanted me here, exactly; I only knew He did. So, I stayed.

I won't claim that I now know the entirety of the reason He hasn't allowed me to go back this summer, but I do think God has opened my eyes to it a little bit:

I needed this time to realize that I have failed. I have failed in keeping up good contact with those I love back in Uganda. I have failed in communicating with you all, and I have failed in making much progress in the ministry and keeping it all organized. I had to realize how deeply I have failed before I could truly realize that He has not. You see, all of those failures are actually symptoms of the real problem: my pride. In it, I've attempted to carry the weight of Bethel on my own. I've tried to take the reigns and "make it happen" because I can do it if I try hard enough, right?

No. I cannot.

As I've said. I tried, and I failed. And I heard the question, "Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by human effort?" (Gal. 3:3). And God has used my time at home this summer to humble me and gently pry my clenched hand open and allow Him to take the weight, the responsibility, and the head of all that has happened and will happen in Uganda. After all, He loved them first.

I wish I could explain the weight that lifted from my heart when He gave me the realization of that: When I realized that my failures are inconsequential in the face of my Redeemer; He is Sovereign over all. But at the same time, I thought, now that things were "set right," He would tell me what to do next to jump start Bethel and make up for lost time (my pride again). I  was wrong. Again. Instead, He has called me into a period of waiting. I have learned to appreciate times when God calls me to wait. No, they're not necessarily easy, but it is a time in which I am allowed to sit and dwell upon Him and upon the Gospel. I get to practice waiting expectantly, and in my experience, the wait is well worth it.

So, as for how things are going in Kagarama, Uganda right now, the kids are still being fed, we're working on our garden for the next season, and school is in session, but as for me, I'm waiting. No, I don't have any idea of what is next, and yes, I'm content with that answer because I know the one who is in charge, and He never fails.

I am not in Uganda this summer. I won't be able to go back until God provides, but no matter how much I miss it, I am content to wait upon Him and trust that He has me in the most perfect spot I could be right now. That's enough for me.

Christmas Break in Uganda!

They still love having their picture taken!

 

Working on the corn together!

I could tell you that the time I spent in Uganda over Christmas break was incredible, Spirit-filled, and encouraging, but that would just be a massive understatement! Words fail to describe how heavily God’s hand was upon my time there and the people around me in that time. The more I see how God is moving in our kids, the pastors, and the church members in Uganda, the greater my desire becomes for people to be able to see and understand the incredible power and goodness of my God. I honestly wish I could take every single one of you and physically walk you through the story that the Lord has been weaving before my eyes, because it’s impossible to really grasp the magnitude of what He’s done unless you’ve experienced for yourself every “little thing” falling into place, every wound healed, every barrier brought down. Unfortunately, I can’t share everything in one blog post (or even a hundred blog posts!), but I do want to fill you all in on the major things concerning the ministry that I was able to see while I was there!

First of all, many of you know that upon my return to the States last June, we were blessed financially to be able to buy our second piece of land directly across the road from the first piece God provided for. Since that time, we planted crops on the land and had our first harvest! There is now a stash of beans, sweet potatoes, cassava (a common edible root), and matoke to help with the kids meals! I even had the chance to sit with our children and “prepare” the corn that was harvested to go to the mill to be made into flour (for porridge). The garden has been a huge blessing to the ministry both in providing food for the kids and giving them the opportunity to learn basic farming skills which will be useful far beyond their childhood years. Since Uganda (in most areas) has two growing seasons, we’re gearing up for the next season and will most likely be planting sometime partway through February.

Two of our 3 classrooms! The far one is just about finished!

A front view of some of the classes!

Next, we were able to add a little more to the school building while I was there! It was so amazing to see what had been added since I left! We did face a little bit of a struggle, however, because some very heavy rainstorms had passed through Kagarama and worn down some areas of the bricks that are exposed on the top. We took out the areas that were weakened and rebuilt, but if we don’t continue building soon, the next rainy season has the potential to do the same thing. So, if you’re looking for something to pray for – pray for the provision to finish the school building! The classes themselves, though, are doing great! We even had a P2 member from among our kids place 1^st in an academic competition that was held recently among all of the neighboring village schools! The next school year (which starts in February), we’re going to add another class, Primary 3, for the students who just finished P2. It excites me so much to see their academic growth!

The kids are also doing really well! I am just amazed and in awe of the difference from the first time I met them to now. God has restored their hope! On top of that, they’re all healthy, and just generally more energetic (which may have had something to do with us visiting, but we can’t take all the credit!) As for the 4 who are staying with us in Masaka, Monica, Gideon, Nelson, and Ibra, they’re great as well! When I see them, especially Nelson and Ibra, I see God’s glory. The growth from when they first started living with us to now: it just leaves me speechless! And, we have another addition to the Masaka side of Bethel! We picked up a new little boy, Victor, during my time there! Keep your eyes on the Surrender Uganda Facebook page for information on him!

Nelson and Gideon!

I wish I could share more, but this post is long enough as it is! Please get in contact with me if you’d like to hear more! I’d love to share with you all of the other amazing things God has done! I’m so blessed to see His plans in action… And then to imagine that what I’ve seen of His magnificent plan is only a small fragment of the entire thing – I simply stand in awe of the God who has lavished His unconditional love upon me and saw fit to include me in His perfect design, and I hope hearing all of these things helps you feel the same way!

Monica!

Keep praying and be blessed!

Ibra!

The new little guy, Victor!

The Long Awaited Update!

The West Side of the School Building

I’m sure by now I’ve ruined my reputation as a blogger (not that I ever really had one), but the thought of blogging while I’m in Kansas kind of freaks me out. I’d rather talk to you all in person! However, considering the amount of time I’ve been back home to talk to people one-on-one since I started college, blogging about it is probably a more realistic way of letting you all know how God has been moving in Bethel Ministries.

In my time since being back in the states, God’s blessings have continued to pour out abundantly. Thanks to some donations upon my return home, we were able to continue in the construction of the school building and buy a second piece of land across the road from our first piece. The school building is coming along really well. With our current proposed budget, it looks like it will take around $4,000 to reach the point of being ready to put the roof on and then $2,000 more to finish roofing it. On the second plot of land we bought, we planted a garden to provide for some of the food requirements of the children, and now they’re getting ready to harvest! We’ve also had numerous new sponsors and donations over the past few months. Really all I can say is that when God makes a promise, He keeps it!!

The Front of the School Building, you can see where the doors will be!

Another really awesome, but scary (why do I find myself saying that phrase so much?!) thing that God has been bringing up in regard to Bethel is the conviction of defining Bethel’s goals and plan of action. If you know me very well at all, you know that I’m not a “planner.” It’s one of my many weaknesses that has been a definite struggle in the course of starting this ministry, and as I continue learning through college, I am becoming more and more aware of my lack of intentional planning and definition of the objectives of Bethel. That being said, God has brought people alongside me that I believe are going to be instrumental in defining these things for Bethel. As people interested and invested in God’s work, I just want to ask you to be praying for direction and discernment within this group of people. I hope to be updating you soon on this, and I’m SO excited to see where God leads us. As He has promised in Philippians 1:6, “…He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” I am confident that God has a good and perfect plan for the ministry He has started!

Again, thank you for your continual support and encouragement! Abundant blessings!

Some of the kids in front of the school building!

Home Sweet Home! (+ procrastination time)

Last picture with my kids! 

Well. You'll be happy to know that I haven't yet ruined my reputation as a terrible blogger... considering my last blog was in June (I think...). But for those of you who actually take the time to read this (and not just scroll through to find the pictures), you probably already know that I'm back in good ol' Soldier, Kansas. Actually, I've been back for a little over a month now. Coming home was such a crazy experience! It was like trying to learn a new culture again. I felt like I had completely forgotten everything that was considered "normal" and "acceptable" and had to watch other people to figure those things out again! So, yeah. That was interesting.

In front of Buckingham Palace
on the way home

Things with Bethel have been absolutely mind-boggling. We're actually preparing to buy our second piece of land and build some more!! Wow. God provides.

I miss my kids and Ugandan family like crazy.

And I miss the way of life there - church, work, time-management. Everything.

But I'm content in being here because I know this is where I'm supposed to be, and I've seen God's hand at work. Which is more than I could ever ask for.

In front of Big Ben! 

I'm headed off to K-State at the end of this month to start pursuing a degree in Elementary Education with a minor in Leadership Studies.  And I'll be speaking - anywhere and everywhere about what God is doing in Uganda. In fact, if you'd like me to come share somewhere, PLEASE contact me! Telling people about what's happened is one of the things I'm the most excited about being back in the States for.

So, yeah.... I'm back. Things aren't perfect (but when have they ever been?). I can't form complete thoughts (which really isn't that out of the norm, either... Mom swears I have ADHD), and there are lots of different things to work through, but I'm here. Just doing life and waiting in anticipation for what God makes happen next! Thanks for jumping on the journey with me!

Blessings!

With both of my bros for the first time in FOREVER!

144 Toothbrushes.

It was after midnight, and I found myself sitting on the cement floor in our living room completely surrounded by gifts for the Bethel children. Things ranging from hydrogen peroxide to socks to jump ropes were everywhere, and there I was, in the center, counting toothbrushes. One hundred and forty four toothbrushes. And as I counted the last one, something made me stop and think:

“These toothbrushes are for my children!”  (No. We don’t have 144 children. Don’t worry!)

“Some of them will get to brush their teeth with a toothbrush for the first time in their lives!!”

………

                ……………………..

“How and why was I chosen to be the one?

                ….the one who gets to be blessed enough to bear these gifts?

                                ………..who gets to see their joy in person, face to face??”

I always find myself asking that question. And really, I know the answer – only God. Only God could work such a miracle! And if He can work that awesome of a miracle in my life, I have no doubt that He’ll work even bigger and greater ones in our kids’ lives. And the gifts that our children received as I went to Kagarama for the last time before I leave were nothing short of a miracle!

I wish with the deepest part of my heart that all of you could have been there the day we gave the gifts to our children! Seeing the joy on their faces was one of the most amazing things I've experienced. For the vast majority of them, this was the first time in their lives that they've ever received a gift. As we started pulling the first gifts out of the boxes, there was this murmur and air of excitement that rushed through the children. Some of them, when we called them to see if clothes or shoes would fit them, would simply stare at us in complete shock. I can only imagine what was going through their minds!

                “Who? Me? Really???”

….. And as they’re making their way to the person holding the article of clothing:

“Dear God, PLEASE let it fit! Or at least make me grow really fast while I’m walking so it won’t be too big for me! Oh, wow! It still has tags on it. It’s….. NEW. God make it fit me!!!”

Seriously though. I had to teach our kids how to use bubbles. They had no clue.

And the basics. Toothbrushes. I don’t know why the toothbrushes are hitting me so hard. Maybe it’s the fact that for most people I know, a toothbrush is just a “given.” The thought of living without a simple toothbrush is absurd. But yet, that’s the reality my kids are living in. No toothbrush. No shoes. One pair of clothes. No electricity. Running water classifies you as rich. Make your own soccer ball out of plastic bags (if you can find enough, that is). Write on banana leaves for lack of paper. Porridge. Posho*. Beans. Posho. Beans. Porridge. Posho. Beans. You get the picture…..  

But then I got to see firsthand. I got to see them receive clothes, shoes, book bags, pencils, books, bubbles, toys. God really put some stuff in perspective for me. These children pray for God’s provision. They pray for healing. And now they’re realizing that God is faithful. No matter how long it seems to take Him – He will never forsake them. They’re seeing God’s miracles right before their own eyes. And I’m SO blessed to be a witness to it all.

God is faithful. So. So. Faithful.

“You (God) have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in their distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat…”

-Isaiah 25:4

*Posho is not really explainable to Americans, but it's a mixture of water and corn flour that ends up solidifying.... I can't even explain the texture. Maybe like cornbread but less dry? Or mashed potatoes but more dry. Yeah. Not explainable. 

All the kids with their gifts! 

Boys checking out their new shorts!

Babra's new skirt!

Magid in his new shoes! 

We have a parachute!! 

Loyce with her new gifts! 

Motherhood.

Over the past couple months, I’ve experienced something I never thought I would be prepared for (especially before I was married!!). What’s that?

Motherhood.

Over the course of a matter of weeks, I’ve become the “Mama” to four children aging 4, 5, 7, and 9. While our children at Bethel are almost numbering in 50, these four are the ones who are actually living with us.

Ibra!! 

The first to come was Ibra (4). He’s the “mama’s boy,” and is so stubborn sometimes, but darling all the same. I’m going to have SO many stories to tell on him someday! Once, he up and kicked a full flask for no reason. It broke, and he ran away (trying to avoid punishment! Haha, right…). He also used to fight sleeping so much!! We could put him in bed and he would just cry and scream! Other times, he would keep quiet, but 10 minutes later, he would walk back into the sitting room where we all were. (Reminds me of my little brother!) But he’s so sweet as well. He loves snuggling and trying to walk around in my shoes. He also likes to “help” clean the veranda and even bathe himself sometimes. (And he goes to bed by himself now!)

Gideon acting tough.. 

The next two that God blessed us with were Gideon (7) and Monica (9). Gideon is full of energy! He bounces around everywhere and is always either playing or working. I think the only time I’ve ever seen him sit still is when he’s eating which, like every 7 year old boy, he’s ALWAYS hungry!! But he’s such a big help around the house! He helps clean the veranda out front, keeps the younger ones entertained, and even helps bathe his little brothers! One day, he and Nelson spent the entire day catching grasshoppers! He’s also such a father to the younger boys as well as the other kids around the neighborhood. One day he told me he had 21 children!! (And he started naming them!)

Monica looking smart! 

Monica is a hard worker, but loves to have fun and laugh. When my sisters (Deborah and Jeb) are home from school, they all have a blast together!! (Although they like to stay up WAY too late.) Monica absolutely loves schooling! Every day she comes home, she has to tell us what happened at school that day. Sometimes, after saying goodnight to her, I can come back into the room an hour or two later and she’s still awake reading! She came home so proud one day because she was the only one in her class who knew how to read Luganda (their native language), so she had been called to teach the other students how to read it! Her passion for learning is going to take her so far!

Nelson all excited about his shoes/socks!

Nelson (5) is the most recent child to join us. He’s from Kagarama, but was in such bad health condition that we realized we needed to bring him to stay with us so he could receive the nutrition he needs. Despite the language barrier, he’s adjusted so well! He’s a very intelligent boy and is very good on following directions. But that doesn’t mean he can’t put Ibra in his place! Sometimes while he and Ibra are playing together, I hear Ibra start wailing. Of course I have to go “take care of the problem.” Most times it consists of Nelson hitting Ibra or something of the like for whatever Ibra was doing that was out of line. Even though most times I know Ibra deserved whatever Nelson gave him, I still have to make both of them realize that what they did was wrong. One of my favorite moments with Nelson was when we brought him back his first pair of socks and shoes. His smile was the BIGGEST!!

All 4 kids! 

I’ve learned so much through my kids. They’ve been difficult, impossible, ridiculous, and absolutely lovely. There are so many challenges. Ibra, although young, knew a language from East/Northern Uganda. Gideon and Monica speak Luganda (Central Uganda), and Nelson speaks Runyankole (Western Uganda). The problem? I speak English. Try disciplining children who don’t understand what you’re saying! But God is good. Most times they know what they’ve done wrong! However, language barriers are a problem in more areas than that. Monica woke up crying one morning because of a dream she had. Mommy had to translate for me. And still I could only comfort her with the few Lugana words I know. I can understand when my kids are hungry, or want water, or want to sleep. Basics like that, but when it comes to counseling them, building their faith, encouraging them? I simply can’t. Not yet. But I’m learning. Little by little, I’m learning the language. And I’m realizing that words aren’t the only thing that comforts and guides children. But God has used my children to make me realize His great love for us. No matter how many times Ibra drop-kicks a flask, or Gideon complains that he’s hungry, or Monica uses up the battery on my phone, or Nelson wets the bed – no matter how many times my kids annoy me, upset me, or challenge me, I still love them. I love them more than I can express in words… and I’m human. How great does that make God’s love for us?!

But I can tell you one thing for sure…. Mothers deserve a Mother’s day like every month! Not just once a year!! 

The Latest at Bethel...

Well.... I obviously fail at blogging. But there's SO much to update you all on! God is so good and His faithfulness continues to just blow me away.

The foundation of the building! 

Mommy and I recently spent a week in Kagarama with our children there. It was absolutely amazing. We started building!!! The first building we're working on is a 3 room set of classes. Eventually all of the rooms will be part of the school, but for a while, as we're building the dormitories, the children will sleep in one of the rooms. Anyways, the foundation is almost finished!! It was so amazing to watch the bricks being put into place. It was just one of those moments when you realize, "Wow. This is really happening."

But seeing the building wasn't the only wonderful thing.

During our time there, God began to grow even more love in us for our children (although I didn't think that was possible). I started to learn their personalities and see how God had moved in their lives since the first time I went to Kagarama. On the day we arrived, we had the chance to talk to all of our children as they were waiting for supper. 12 of them decided to be saved that night. It was amazing! Through the week, I was able to laugh with them, comfort them when they cried, sing with them, and just pour love out upon them. And I realized how blessed I am! I never deserved this great calling. I was never worthy of it. But despite the fact that it's SO hard, the abundant blessings that God has poured out upon me far outweigh the struggles.

Working on our English - DANCE! 

Helping carry bricks for the builders.

With our 3 kids here in Masaka
Monica, Gideon, and Ibra

We also have 3 of the Bethel children living with us in Masaka right now (Monica, Gideon, & Ibra) because they were from this area. Along with them, we're planning on bringing Nelson (see previous post) to come and live with us so we can take care of his needs. We're also preparing to send them Monica and Gideon to school in the next week or so. They're SO excited to start schooling.

The two biggest needs we have right now are sponsors for our children and more financial provision for buying a second piece of land and building. But we live by faith, and we know that God is going to provide because it's not our ministry - it's His! Give Him all of the glory, honor, and praise - He alone deserves it!

Other than that, I'm preparing to head back to Soldier, Kansas in June. It seems to be approaching so quickly... Seems like just yesterday I was moving to Masaka! But I know some big things are going to be happening in this next season of my life, and I'm so excited to share with everyone I can about God's work here!

Please be in prayer for Bethel and our children!

Abundant Blessings!